I had a plan. I never mind trying something new. It’s the sticking with it that gets tricky for my ADD brain. And I’ve always loved writing. I’d keep it light and write every week. Family recipes and my favorite ways to make a cozy home. Maybe I’d sprinkle in some meatier pieces about the real-life parts of proudly helping children launch into their own lives, while missing the littles who needed more from me back in the day. If I got real brave, I’d write about the insane dynamic of watching your once highly productive, involved and independent parents need your help more and more. But every time I started those stories it felt like an invasion of their privacy, so I kept it to myself.

But I wrote. For six weeks. Of course, the plan was at least once a week for six months and then reassess. I knew I was writing into a void of mostly just me and that made it easier. It was just about building back that part of my brain. To see if I had it in me to someday write the great novel that is rolling around in my head.

Then a simple doctor visit turned into another, which turned into another, which has now turned into a biopsy scheduled for next week. Pens down. Engage survival mode.

I’ve been here before and unfortunately I know I am not special. But in the past it was my child. I simultaneously shut down the outside world, built a cocoon around my loved ones and went into battle. I didn’t purposefully shut out the world. It’s like my brain could only handle a certain amount of bandwidth and I needed to save it for battle. Every day was draining. My good friends and family figured it out and when I went quiet they would check in to see what gunfight was currently being mobilized. I have an amazing support system and am extremely fortunate for that.

So while I made my next appointments I kept feeling this nagging urge to write it down. To be able to look back and see how hard I fought and, when I struggled, what got me out.

My son had cancer at 16.

I hate that fucking sentence.

But it happened and he kicked ass. At the time I was an interior designer and interior design blogger. I just shut it down, wrapped it up and never looked back. It was the right decision for me. My kids were still young: the youngest in grade school, the oldest applying to colleges and the middle heading into battle. But I think I was also quiet about it because he was old enough that it was his story, not mine.

I cannot write his story, but I can talk about what it is like flying to another state with my oldest child and walking around a strange campus, stepping aside to take a phone call that will change your life. I can talk about what it’s like driving to different states to see the top surgeons in the world and not telling my husband, the person I’d never kept anything important from in 20 years, that we were sitting in the office of a doctor who might not take our insurance. I didn’t want both of us deciding with clouded judgment who should save our son, and whether we’d have to sell our house to do it.

So this time around it might be me. I have always felt that writing helps me air my dirty laundry and release it. Maybe then I will sleep a little better. Telling my loved ones that we are headed back into battle is what’s currently keeping me awake. Time it right, keep it light, show the facts: this is surmountable. The battle? No problem, bring it on, fucker. But it’s how to make sure everyone else stays okay. I mean, Jesus, Christmas is right around the corner. There is a binder of traditions and recipes and decorations and gift-giving that needs to be adhered to. And there is mostly one elf on the job. Well, that’s not fair. There is a head elf, but as head elf, I’m solely responsible for the morale of the group.

I digress. We will live to fight many a day before Christmas and all will be fine.
All will be fine.

I hope I will be back here to say this was all a false alarm. Call off the dogs. But for now I just wanted to put it on paper to see what that feels like. Thanks for pulling up a chair. Now I need a cup of tea.

I learned years ago that nothing beats the patina of old silver pieces sprinkled throughout your home. Recently I walked by an old ice bucket at an estate sale. It was brown. Not tarnished-looking-vintage brown — properly brown, the color of an old penny. But I stopped to pick it up because I liked the lion-head handle details. It had some sticker residue on the side and more on the lid, and I wondered if the patina overall was salvageable. But I loved the shape of it and I love a $30 challenge.

In the end it took minutes. Not an afternoon, not a weekend — a few minutes a piece. It isn’t a restoration project and you don’t need to send it anywhere or be super crafty yourself. All you need is a jar of cream, a soft cloth and some elbow grease.

So pull up a chair. I’ll put the kettle on.

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First, flip it over

Before you purchase or clean anything, look at the bottom of it. That usually tells you more about the piece than anything else.

If it says sterling or 925, it’s solid silver all the way through. Almost nothing you find at an estate sale will say that. Everything else is silver-plated — a layer of silver electroplated over a base metal like copper or brass, and that layer is thinner than a sheet of paper. Hotel and institutional pieces often say silver soldered, which sounds like it means solid silver and does not; it refers to the harder alloy used on the seams. Those are the pieces I hunt for, because they were built to be used three times a day for forty years and they were plated accordingly.

My ice bucket says English Silver Mfg. Corp., Made in U.S.A. Silver plate, which is exactly what I assumed when I bought a brown object for thirty dollars.

Knowing it’s silver-plated is the reason to use a cream rather than anything aggressive.

You are polishing a layer of silver measured in thousandths of an inch. Scour it hard enough, often enough, and you go through it to the base metal underneath. That’s called de-plating and it does not come back. A gentle cream lifts the tarnish and leaves the silver where it is.

How to clean your finds

• Wright’s Silver Cream — this gentle, non-scratch cream cleans sterling silver, silver plate, antique silver, flatware, pewter and chrome. They also make a Copper Cream that I love for my copper and brass pieces.

• A soft polishing cloth — the cream comes with a small polishing cloth, but down the road you may want a larger one.

• Disposable gloves — you’ll want gloves because tarnish comes off black and it gets everywhere. (Pro tip: I actually use these inexpensive gloves while cooking with jalapenos. Easy to toss when you’re done, and I’ve been doing this since the one time I rubbed my eyes after cutting jalapenos…it burned so bad, even though I had already washed my hands.)

• Newspaper — to protect your work area.

The order of operations

1. Test a small patch on the underside or the back first. Let it sit a minute, wipe it off, and make sure the metal hasn’t gone darker or duller instead of brighter. I wish I could say I always follow my own advice, but I’m usually too impatient…

2. Rub the cream on in sections with the sponge that comes with it or a cloth. If the finish is stubborn, cover the piece with cream and let it sit a few minutes before rubbing it off.

3. Wash it in warm soapy water and rinse.

4. Dry and buff with a soft towel that won’t scratch. Dry it properly. Water spots on silver are their own small heartbreak.

For the fiddly bits — the beading, the handles, the inside of a lid, small jewelry — a soft toothbrush works, but just tread lightly. I mostly don’t do this step. A little darkness left in the carved details is what keeps a sixty-year-old piece from looking like it came out of a box this morning, and I’d rather have the patina than the perfection.

A few pieces around my home and how I use them

Small creamers and sugar canisters

My in-laws gave us a few small silver pieces years ago and I like to display them with my Irish tea sets. I love things that have a story, and these are all monogrammed MHM because they came from Margaret Hague Maternity Hospital in Jersey City, NJ. My husband’s aunt worked there her whole adult life and when it closed in 1979 she was able to bring some of the pieces home.

Of course I was fascinated and did a little research. More than 350,000 babies were born there from 1931 until it closed in 1979. Some notable people are Martha Stewart, who was born there in 1941, and two of Frank and Nancy Barbato Sinatra’s children, who were born there in the 1940s as well.

My pieces are stamped on the bottom that they were produced in 1941 — the same year Martha Stewart was born there! I love to think about the moms who were delivered tea and coffee with these pieces on a tray to their rooms after giving birth to their children. I also chuckle at the changes to our healthcare system, because all I remember is a small plastic pitcher full of ice.

The plate from Virginia — and the one that isn’t silver

I found this one in an antique store on a road trip through Virginia. I buy old things when I travel instead of souvenirs — a plate, a little dish. Years later I can still tell you which town it came from, which is more than I can say for anything I’ve ever bought in an airport.

It’s a shallow hand-wrought aluminum bowl with a green-and-white ceramic tile set into the middle, the kind of thing American makers turned out by the thousand mid-century. Not worth anything crazy, but I loved the colors that match my kitchen and the unique-to-me combination of metal and ceramic. But aluminum behaves differently from silver, which is worth knowing before you start trying to clean everything you own.

Aluminum doesn’t tarnish the way silver does. Silver goes black because it reacts with sulfur in the air, and that black lifts straight off. Aluminum forms a hard gray oxide layer that is actually protecting the metal underneath, and no polish lifts it the same way — it just evens it out. Mine came up noticeably better and nowhere near a mirror, and that is the ceiling for the material, not a failure of effort.

Which is exactly why you test the back first.

It did no harm to the bowl, and it still looks better than it did. But a two-minute test on the underside would have told me what I was getting before I committed to the whole piece, and that is the single most useful habit in this entire post.

A warning worth more than the shine

Old silver plate is beautiful, but it is usually not tableware. The base metal under the plating can be an alloy containing lead, and once the plating has worn through and you can see gray or pinkish metal, that alloy can leach into whatever is sitting in it — acidic things especially. The people who look after silver professionally say the same thing: if the base metal is showing, stop serving out of it.

What I’m hunting for next and where to look

I love local estate sales (and even Facebook Marketplace) for finding well-priced vintage home decor — that’s where the thirty-dollar bucket came from, and the people pricing a whole house are not silver specialists. Antique stores on road trips are my idea of a good time, and whatever I find doubles as the souvenir. And Etsy is great, when you want something specific and don’t have time for the hunt.

These are one-of-a-kind listings, so what I’m linking is a search rather than a single piece. If something beautiful is sitting there when you look, it may well be gone the following week. That’s the deal with old things.

• Small julep cups — they make the prettiest bud vases: one on a bedside table in a guest room, or a row of them straight down the center of a long table. Low arrangements are the best way to set a table when entertaining so everyone can see and chat across from each other.

• Footed silver pitchers — the bigger ones are beautiful as vases for a large arrangement, like dried hydrangeas. A pitcher holds a heavy stem better than most vases of the same size because of its weight, and I love the look of a footed one.

• Serving trays — they are great for entertaining, but also look pretty on a vanity or dresser holding a perfume collection or your favorite creams.

And if you want your own vintage silver ice bucket, here are some pretty ones.

What to check before you buy: turn it over and read the mark. Look at the high points — rims, handles, feet — for gray or pinkish patches, because that’s plating already worn through. Dents matter far more than tarnish; tarnish is a few minutes and a dent is forever. And lift it. Hotel pieces feel heavier than they look, and that heft is a good sign.

You can’t take it with you

What I always tell people is to use the good stuff. What are you waiting for? You can’t take it with you in the end. Instead of cleaning out a musty museum of tarnished objects, I hope that when the time comes, my kids cherish a few of my finds and always remember the times that we used them around the table or displayed throughout the house, instead of being told not to touch something or finding boxes full of dusty things. So use the good china and put out the silver, even though you will need to polish it every once in a while.

And if you want something worth getting the good dishes out for, the apple crisp that starts fall in our house is here. Pin them both and you're set for the season.

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We’re over a month in, and that’s when I usually notice things getting a little rocky at school.

There are more Sunday scary calls, and they sometimes even happen on a weekday. They open with a question about what we’re making for dinner — to see if it’s one of their favorites — and who’s coming over, and then you realize someone is getting a little homesick. Not the crazy kind. He’s loving the freedom, but he may be starting to miss the comforts of home.

You can’t fully fix that over the phone. But here are some ideas for what you can send in the mail to perk him up.

Nothing here is an affiliate link. These are the ones I’ve sent that the kids have loved.

Start with the container

I found this idea years ago on Pinterest and I’ve sent one every freshman year since: a Tide Pods container, washed out and turned into a pumpkin. Not a box with a pumpkin on it. An actual orange pumpkin, with a face, going through the postal system with a shipping label slapped on the side.

Who knew the post office would send any shape package?

Here’s how it works:

• Empty it and wash it well. Tip the pods into a ziplock bag and let the container soak in hot soapy water. Most people like the smell of clean laundry, but nobody wants their candy and chocolate to taste like it.

• Get the labels off. On my old container they soaked off and scraped away cleanly. Last year’s wouldn’t budge, so I printed the jack-o’-lantern face onto large shipping labels and stuck them straight over the top. Honestly, that version looked better.

• Fill it with your kid’s favorite Halloween treats.

• Tape the lid. The lid is genuinely secure — these things are built to survive a laundry room — but run shipping tape across the top anyway, in case a postal employee gets hungry.

• Mail it by October 20th. Halloween lands on a Saturday this year, and campus mailrooms are notoriously slow.

The part that makes it work

I always told my kids they had to save the pumpkin freshman year and bring it home if they wanted it again. And here we are, years later, and I just filled it again to mail in a few weeks.

Their friends are jealous, every time. There’s a walk across campus from the mailroom back to the dorm carrying an enormous plastic pumpkin, and the face they make doing it is a little embarrassed and a lot pleased.

I take my job of lovingly embarrassing my kids very seriously.

More ideas that will last the whole season

In general, I love sending personalized care packages specific to my kids and their interests. Here are some more ideas of things I’ve sent over the years — in a regular cardboard box this time.

A quick disclaimer that most dorms do not allow candles. Only send to apartments where you know it is safe to use.

For the iced coffee drinker

Pumpkin drinking glasses and some pumpkin-flavored syrup or extract. Throw in some coffee k-cups and you’re helping them save a few bucks every morning instead of hitting up their local coffee shop.

• Pumpkin drinking glasses

• Pumpkin spice extract

• Pumpkin spice syrup

• Coffee k-cups

For the tea drinker

A mug and Barry’s, which is the only tea in this house and what they want to drink when they’re homesick.

• Barry’s tea

• The Peanuts mug — for the kid who still wants to be a kid

• The Sweet Water Decor stoneware mug — for the one who has decided they’re an adult now

For my Gilmore Girl

My daughter and I used to watch Gilmore Girls together, so I may have bought myself the same candle, to think of her in the fall too.

• Stars Hollow candle

• Luke’s Diner mug

• Dragonfly Inn keychain — for her apartment keys

• Cozy socks

For the one who loves office supplies

I sent an entirely orange package once — face spray, a notebook, markers — to the organized one. A single color turns a few unrelated objects into a present.

• Face spray

• Post-its

• A notebook

• Markers

For the one in an off-campus apartment

A fall candle and cozy socks — and the candle is the reason this is its own category.

• Sweet Water Decor candle — I love their fall candles. Pumpkin Spice and Hello Fall are my faves.

• Cozy throw blanket

• More cozy fall socks for your daughter or cozy socks for your son — because cozy socks are always a good idea

What they’ll remember is that you were thinking of them

The first few months are genuinely hard, and our kids don’t always verbalize that. A package doesn’t fix it. But there is something about a box — or a plastic pumpkin — that obviously took an afternoon to assemble and mail, that says the thing a phone call can’t quite manage.

If you’re getting ready to send yours off to school next year, the dorm room post has what I’d have in the room before I’d worry about what’s in the package. You can pin both so you’re ready to go next year.

I am always looking for new ideas for what to send the kids. What’s worked for you?

Pull up a chair. I’ll put the kettle on.

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There’s a morning every September when the air turns. When it came last week I knew exactly what I was making that day.

It’s the apple crisp from my fall kitchen post: tart Granny Smith apples, a brown sugar oat topping, and more Irish butter than I’d admit to my doctor. It’s an easy apple crisp, the kind you can make with one eye on something else, and it has meant the start of fall in our house for as long as the kids can remember.

For years it was an after-school surprise. Nobody knew which day it would be. They’d walk in, smell the cinnamon, and that was the whole announcement. Even in high school, when very little I did impressed anyone, it was a revered day.

This year the kitchen was quiet at three.

So I made it in the morning instead, before a doctor’s appointment with my parents, and brought it along. Those appointments are long, and a little heavy, and everyone is worn out by the end of them. We went back to their kitchen, I put the kettle on, and we had it warm with tea. My mom went back for seconds, which is a real win for us right now.

That was the day I finally wrote the recipe down. I’ve made it from memory for so long that it never occurred to me nobody else had it. So I wrote it out on an index card, in pen, the way my mother wrote hers, and sent a photo to the kids. The texts that came back were a little sad and a little thrilled, which is about right for this stage of life. My daughter said she is making it for her roommates this weekend, and I’ve promised them each a real card, in my handwriting, when they’re home for Thanksgiving.

As for the leftovers: my son came home for Sunday dinner yesterday, opened the fridge, and found the last of it. You’d have thought I’d bought him a car! Some traditions just take a train ride home from the city now.

How to make the best apple crisp

I’ve made this more times than I can count, and these are the four things that matter.

• Use Granny Smith apples. They hold their shape and stay tart, so it tastes like apples and not like pie filling. Softer apples turn to applesauce under the topping.

• Keep the topping cold. Make it first and put it back in the fridge while you slice the apples. Cold butter is what gives you crisp, crumbly clumps instead of a sandy lid.

• Use quick or instant oats. They bake into a finer, crunchier topping than old-fashioned oats. Mine are McCann’s, obviously.

• Check it at 35 minutes. You want the topping deep golden and the apples bubbling at the edges. If the top browns before the apples are tender, lay a piece of foil loosely over it for the last few minutes.

Easy Apple Crisp with Oat Topping

Serves 6 · Bakes 35–45 minutes at 375°F · One 8x8 dish

Topping

• 1 cup quick or instant oats (of course I use McCann’s Quick Irish Oatmeal)

• ½ cup dark brown sugar

• ½ cup all-purpose flour

• ½ teaspoon cinnamon

• 1 stick chilled salted butter, cut into small pieces (again…of course it’s Kerrygold)

Filling

• Nonstick oil spray

• 3–4 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and cut into thin slices

• ¼ cup dark brown sugar

• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour

• 1 teaspoon cinnamon

• ¼ teaspoon nutmeg

• 1½ tablespoons fresh lemon juice

• 1½ tablespoons milk

• 1 teaspoon vanilla

• Pinch of salt

To serve

• Vanilla ice cream or whipped cream

• A mug of Irish tea

Method

1. Preheat the oven to 375°F.

2. Make the topping. Mix all the topping ingredients by hand or with a pastry blender until they form wet, coarse clumps. Keep it chilled in the fridge.

3. Make the filling. Mix the dry ingredients (sugar, flour, cinnamon and nutmeg), then the wet (lemon juice, milk and vanilla). Add the apples and toss until every slice is coated.

4. Assemble. Transfer to a small baking dish, about 8x8, sprayed with nonstick spray. Top evenly with the crumble.

5. Bake for 35–45 minutes, checking at 35.

6. Spoon warm into bowls and serve with ice cream or whipped cream and a mug of Irish tea. Enjoy!

What’s the recipe that means fall at your house? Tell me in the comments. I’m always looking for the next one.

Pull up a chair. I’ll put the kettle on.

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I get so excited at the change of any season, but summer to fall gets me every time. It has always felt like more of a fresh start than the dead of winter and its New Year’s resolutions. Fall holds such promise.

It always starts with a simple refresh in the house. New fall candles. Crisp kitchen towels in a maroon plaid. A cozy throw, and maybe some new artwork.

And then, on one of the first days that starts with a chill and the air smells different, I make everyone’s favorite apple crisp.

It was always an after-school thing. The kids never knew which day it would happen. They’d just walk in, smell the cinnamon, and their faces would light up. Even through high school it was a revered day.

No one is walking in the door at three o’clock this year.

But it’s still happening. I’ll bring it over to my parents and we’ll have it with afternoon tea, and I’ll probably make it again when the sophomore is home for Thanksgiving break.

Because there is so much I love about fall. Our wedding anniversary. The colors, in the trees and in the closet. Hikes in our favorite state parks. And the annual rewatch of the fall movies and the Gilmore Girls episodes — which now means my daughter calling from her apartment in the city, or from a hotel on a business trip, and the two of us watching together while texting about our favorite parts.

The traditions don’t end. They just change shape.

So pull up a chair. I’ll put the kettle on.

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The Cozy Kitchen

The kitchen is where fall actually starts in this house, so it’s where the refresh starts too. Everything below is something I use, want, or have been staring at for three weeks.

What’s on the stove

• My kettle — the kettle this whole thing is named after, and I love it.

• Sauté pan — beautiful cream and brass. An Oprah pick, and she knows her stuff.

• Amber glass simmer pot — a fall trick: simmer the following and the whole house smells like October. Orange peel, apple slices, cinnamon sticks, a few cloves, a shake of pumpkin pie spice, and water to cover. That’s the entire recipe.

For baking, and for leaving out

• Sage green bakeware set — bakeware I will absolutely leave out on the counter.

• Kitchen timer — because I don’t trust myself with the oven and a book.

On the counter

• Marble bowl — one marble bowl and suddenly the counter looks styled.

• Brass pepper mill — a mill that will outlive the kitchen it’s in.

• Onyx salt cellar and Maldon sea salt — the cellar and the flaky salt I swear by.

• Glass pumpkin jar and candy corn — a glass pumpkin, filled. Candy corn not optional.

How to cozy up your kitchen

• “How lucky are we” print — not everything on the counter has to be a kitchen thing. A small print, a little lamp.

And the one I keep looking at

• A fun MacKenzie-Childs kettle — I have the kettle I love. I keep looking at this one anyway. Talk me into it.

What’s your first sign of fall? Mine is the day the sunscreen smelling t-shirts move to the back of the drawer. Tell me yours.

This time last year I was doing a daily scroll through my photo dump after just getting back from Ireland. We’ve been many times over the years, as my dad and numerous other relatives are from the old country and it’s always good craic (Irish for fun). The trips are always amazing, but this one I’m having a tough time moving on from. A story idea I had while I was there — one I want to turn into a book someday — has been ruminating ever since. And my husband and I loved one particular town so much that while we were there we started dreaming about an empty-nest experiment: living there for six months to a year, somewhere down the road.

So I laughed when I logged the last book on my summer list and noticed that half of what I’d read was set in Ireland or about Irish-Americans. I guess I’ve still got the old country on my mind!

So pull up a chair. I’ll put the kettle on. Here’s how my summer reading stacked up.

If you only read one: The Correspondent by Virginia Evans. It’s the easiest company of the eight, and I finished it wanting to write letters to people I haven’t written to in years.

The Irish Ones

Land by Maggie O’Farrell

I was so excited for this one. My verdict: a beautiful, painful read.

Maggie O’Farrell does an extraordinary job describing Ireland in the shadow of the Famine. She heart-wrenchingly has you follow one family to see how one catastrophe lands differently on each person, and how those separate lives add up to what happens to a whole community. I had to put it down at points because it was so heavy. But an important read.

Read it if you want something beautiful that will take something out of you.

The Irish Goodbye by Heather Aimee O’Neill

My gosh, this story had so much going on, and a lot of it I could relate to as a first-generation American with Irish parents. The Irish Catholic guilt runs strong, LOL!

The family dynamics of aging parents, two sisters coming home for Thanksgiving as adults, and the one who stayed in town and handles “the emotional labor of caregiving” really hit home. There are other threads too — tremendous loss, decades-old secrets — that keep the story moving along.

Read it if you grew up Irish-American, or if you’re the sibling who stayed.

Northern Spy by Flynn Berry

This book was fine and held me captive enough for a suspense novel, but I wouldn’t say it was the most suspenseful thing I’ve ever read. It’s a nice way in for someone who doesn’t already know about the Troubles in Northern Ireland, though I feel like it could have gone more in-depth from a historical fiction standpoint.

At least it points out that a conflict is not always black and white, that there can be variations of good and evil in the pursuit of justice — and that secrets always lead to disaster.

Read it if you want a fast suspense novel and a way into the Troubles.

Saoirse by Charleen Hurtubise

I listened to this one on a long drive and I loved the audio. The storyline was an important one, about child abuse and the lengths someone will go to in order to run from it and recover.

When the main character lands in Ireland, the author does a great job of pulling in all the characters you either love or hate for various reasons. I particularly loved the descriptions of Donegal, especially after experiencing that breathtaking part of the country for the first time last year. I also love the name Saoirse, and now I want to reread and rewatch Brooklyn (even though the name is the only thing they have in common, LOL).

Read it on audio, on a long drive — and know going in that it deals with child abuse.

Not Irish, Still Very Good

Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage by Belle Burden

A quick, easy read that stays with you. I read it on the beach earlier this summer, and it definitely makes you think about what you do and don’t know about your spouse — and about your joint finances.

My friend just got back from a long trip and said it was the perfect book to digest quickly on a plane. I’ve read that some people have little empathy for the author because she came from extreme wealth. I think that’s irrelevant. Her husband is the real villain here: as a life partner, and even more so as a parent.

I kept thinking about this one long after it was finished.

Read it on a plane. Then go look at your joint account.

Heart the Lover by Lily King

My first thought was that this is an emotional, young-love, great read that someone in their 20s would really enjoy — like my daughter and her friends.

But looking back at the notes I took while reading, I also loved the perspective of a writer, and of students of writing, since it follows the characters from college into adulthood. The line “two things that bring perspective and revelation to a character: time and distance” makes you think about character-driven stories, and about how authors build both plot and character, and how both are imperative to a successful story. And as a lover of women’s intuition, the line “I love how fast women get things” highlighted one of our many talents.

Read it if you’re in your twenties, or if you write.

The Correspondent by Virginia Evans

I love when someone wants to share a good story. A friend dropped this book off at my doorstep because she wanted to discuss it. I got right to work, and loved what an easy read it was on my front porch.

Since it’s composed entirely of letters between Sybil and the people she corresponded with throughout her lifetime, it was easy to pick up and put down when time permitted. And as someone hoping to slip gracefully into old age, this story realistically points out that it isn’t always possible, and that a lot of it is out of your control.

While I didn’t have a ton in common with Sybil, I grew to love her as a character — and she makes me want to write more letters.

Read it if you want easy company on the porch, and if you’ve been meaning to write more letters.

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie

I’m not really a mystery person — I gravitate to drama and real-life stories. So when our book club wanted to read a mystery, we decided, why not the world’s best-selling mystery novel of all time?

Turns out that was a great idea. This classic has you trying to work out who could be killing every person on a deserted island, one by one, when everyone invited has their own mysterious past. It was a great read and even better to discuss.

Read it with a book club. It’s built for arguing about.

So I somehow never got to the list of beach reads I’d compiled early in the summer. Instead my heart took me back over the ocean, and I’m happier for it — and I’ll still be dreaming about that future empty-nest year frolicking on the west coast of Ireland.

Here’s the beach read list I never got to, if you want to see what I’m carrying into the fall. And all eight of the books above are on my Bookshop shelf.

So what should I read this fall? Leave it in the comments — I’m already building the next list, and I promise I’ll read every single recommendation.

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New here? Start with How I Made 7 Different Dorm Rooms Feel Like Home, Not a Cell Block.

I’ve done it seven times and it’s been different but wonderful every time. It’s also been a little sad and scary. But every single time I would drive away saying, “This is what’s supposed to happen. They are so ready. And how lucky are we that we get to do this!”
Dropping your kid at college. Moving them in to their freshman dorm. And then moving them into their upper classroom apartments. And let’s not forget I also moved them out seven times.

Sometimes move-in day was joyful, the campus bursting with energy. Children coming at you from all sides insisting that you not touch a thing. Then there was during COVID that only one parent was allowed at a time...and I said Hell naw to that and smuggled my husband my entrance bracelet while I started unpacking in the room so he could continue bringing all the stuff up. (Not sorry about it.) Then there was the time we were leaving on the 8 hour drive home, and my son hugged me and tentatively said, “What do I do now?” I could have sworn those giant blue eyes looking at me for answers was that of my adorable 3 year old when I dropped him at preschool.
He did fine for preschool and he did fine that muggy August day. By the end of that week he was shopping for fraternity brothers that would become friends for life. I know I was an extremely lucky one that has since watched their grown kids soar in their first college years, but it wasn’t always that gleeful. There were roommates that snuck out, purposefully ditching plans previously made; there were COVID quarantines and closures; and many tearful phone calls home.
But in the end all three of them soared and afterwards they told me that what helped was the thoughtful little ways I made their concrete walls feel like home.
Here’s the breakdown I hope you find helpful. The basics, the soft touches and the useless. Use what you want, leave the rest, but let me know what worked and what didn’t.
Pull up a chair. I’ll put the kettle on.

Bed Basics

• Mattress topper — I spent a pretty penny and plenty of research time on this bad boy and in the end my kids said their dorm bed was more comfortable then their home mattress.
  Target · Amazon

• Pillows — Funny story: my last kid loved his home pillow so much he insisted on using it his last night and promised to remember to bring it in the car. Guess what didn’t make it on the trip? We may have realized in the hotel that night and one of those cheap, lumpy ones may have ended up on his dorm bed and that is what he used his first whole year. So yeah, I recommend buying a new one for the dorm.
  Target · Amazon

• Bedding set — 2 XL twin sheet sets, 2 extra pillowcases — My thought here was, especially with my boys, I was assuming they are not changing their sheets weekly even though I highly recommended it. So I also said if they weren’t going to be doing that they should at least change their pillowcase weekly. Not sure this happened, but one can hope...
  Target — comforter/sham set · Amazon
  Target — sheet set · Amazon · Amazon (alt)

• 2 extra pillowcases
  Target · Amazon

• Mattress enclosure — I don’t even know if these things actually work, but I am terrified of someone bringing home creatures I do not want in my house.
  Target · Amazon

• Study pillow — There are all different versions of these but their bed is also their sofa and hang-out spot so I really tried to make it comfy.
  Target · Amazon · Amazon — headboard wedge pillow

• Extra blanket — For if friends come to visit or it’s chilly.
  Target · Amazon · Amazon (alt) · Amazon — Pavilia throw

Bathroom Basics

• Shower caddy (filled with what they prefer)
  Target · Amazon

• Slides
  Amazon

• Bathrobe
  Target · Pottery Barn

• Wellness supply basket (back-ups of their toiletries, thermometer, cold meds, Emergen-C, pain meds, Tums, first aid kit, sunscreen, cough drops, tissues)
  Target — storage basket

• 2 bath towels
  Target — American Soft Linen 6-piece · Target — Bekos 6-piece · Amazon

• 4 hand towels
  Target · Amazon

Furniture

• Shoe ottoman — My favorite configuration for dorm room layout is the bed lofted only enough to fit drawers and storage underneath. I am strongly opposed to the bed fully bunked with the desk under it because I feel like it’s harder to just hang on your bed, or you don’t come down all day. A shoe ottoman solved the “where do I put all my shoes” dilemma and it’s a nice step stool on to your bed.
  Amazon · Amazon (alt)

• Under-bed storage — I swear by these Target beauties and they always sell out every year, so buy early.
  Target — Espresso · Target — Light Gray · Target — Snowfall White

• Tall nightstand (optional) — If there is space, this is the perfect height for an alarm clock, bedside lighting, a fan, and more storage. It doesn’t always fit space-wise, so it’s a luxury item.
  Amazon

• Rolling beverage cart (optional) — Only my daughter, a big hot cocoa and tea drinker, wanted this rolling cart, but it has so many uses if you have the luxury of more space. She used it for an electric kettle (I mean, look — of course my kids drink tea!) and snacks. Her roommate also fit a Keurig and pods on it.
  Amazon · Target

Desk Stuff and School Supplies

• The usual — notebooks, folders, writing utensils.

• Daily planner — Your kids can experiment with what works for them to keep them organized and on top of their week. My daughter loved a dry erase one over her desk and swears by her handheld one that holds her life (and is also super pretty!).
  The Happy Planner · Papier · Amazon · Target — planner board · Target — dry erase weekly planner

• Backpack

• Pinboard
  Target — Marston scalloped · Target — gingham framed

• Desk lamp
  Target · Amazon

• Desk organizer — This gets tricky. Try and look at the parent Facebook site ahead of time for your college to see pictures of the rooms. One of our desks came with shelving built in where the other dorms had a flat desk that you could add what you wanted. A lot of people use those big wooden ones you can usually buy on campus, but I brought two smaller ones for options. My son ended up using one small one, while my daughter went with two; one for school supplies and one for jewelry and makeup.
  Amazon

Laundry and Cleaning

• Laundry/cleaning supply basket (stain stick, lint remover, laundry detergent pods, Lysol wipes, Windex wipes, paper towels) — It may have been weeks after arriving that my son was complaining about getting hot sauce all over his favorite t-shirt. I asked if he tried the stain stick and he had no idea what I was talking about. I informed him that the three baskets on top of his wardrobe held laundry, toiletry, and cleaning supplies. “Oh that’s amazing! I didn’t know I had that!” was his reply. Months later when he had a cough, I had to remind him that Emergen-C and cough drops were his friends and available as well! In the frenzy and nervousness of day one, they will need reminders of how to do adulting.
  Target — storage basket

• Backpack hamper — Love one of these that will stand open and easily handle the trip to the basement laundry.
  Amazon

• Mini tool box — If it requires more than what’s in here, then it requires a phone call.
  Amazon

• Stick vacuum — Extremely helpful on move-in day, and I hope it was used sporadically through the year. But it was not worth a high-ticket item in case it collected dust.
  Target · Amazon

Other

• Decor ideas — See below. I have strong thoughts and think it’s key to their happiness.

• Family/friend photos — See below as well.

• Alarm clock — Varying degrees of how much support they need getting to class on time. I personally loved the Hatch, but also threatened to get my one son a bed-shaking alarm!
  Amazon — Hatch Restore · Target — Hatch Restore · Amazon — vibrating alarm · Amazon — extra loud flashing alarm

• Garbage can
  Amazon

• Dyson or Woozoo fan — I swear the Dyson purifying fan kept my daughter from barely getting colds, never mind COVID year one.
  Target — Dyson · Amazon — Dyson · Amazon — Woozoo/IRIS fan · Target — Woozoo fan

• Full length mirror

• Rug
  Amazon

• Different length extension cords and chargers — My tip here is to buy varying lengths and kinds, more than you think you’ll need. But buy them closer to leaving and don’t open all the packaging so unused items can be returned.
  Amazon — extension cord · Amazon (alt) · Amazon — GE surge protector

• Lighting (bedside lamp, clip lamp, or track lighting) — Dorm lighting is notoriously harsh and is the worst culprit at making a room feel like an institution instead of a home, so I recommend a desk lamp, bedside or clip lamp, and track lighting that has warm yellow tones and a remote control. You’re welcome.
  Amazon — Govee light strip · Amazon — clip reading light · Target — desk lamp · Amazon — desk lamp

Move-In Day Bag

A tip: Place all the hanging clothes in garbage bags for easy transport and unpacking.

• Hand-truck — Hands down one of my most used items and best purchases. Not only did it move us in and out of seven campus houses, it has helped move my kids now into their grown-up apartments. The only time I didn’t use it was the one school that had student volunteers running everywhere on move-in day. My friends borrow it all the time for their moves! Granted, nothing beats the giant dorm bin on wheels, but sometimes you’ve got to wait for access to one of those.
  Amazon

• Stick vacuum
  Target · Amazon

• Rubber mallet — So you don’t have to wait for a res life member to come raise or lower your bed to the preferred height.
  Amazon

• Cleaning spray — I headed in first with this bag and the vacuum and got the room ready quickly to my standards before the rest of the stuff started making its way in.

• Rubbing alcohol — Spraying and wiping the walls down with this helps everything stick better for months to come.

• Paper towels

• Scissors

• Box cutter
  Amazon

• Command strips and hooks — Again, buy more than you think you need and make sure you don’t open what you can return. I always love to lay out our prospective wall decor with approval or input from my child, and then it was helpful to place command strips on the backs of posters and pictures so the job went quicker that day.
  Amazon · Amazon · Amazon · Amazon · Amazon · Amazon

• Garbage bags

• Contractor bags

• Farewell gift — See below.

What You Don’t Need!

• Blackout shades — We need them to wake up and get to class.

• Headboard — I mean, don’t get me wrong, some of these are adorable, but they’re not a necessity.

• Fancy drapes

• Cookware — This will come later when they have apartments.

The Homey Bits

Okay, so when it came to decor for the dorm rooms, I asked a lot of questions early and also took into account the specific child and how much input they wanted to give. Some of my kids wanted full approval and control, and others were happy to be pleasantly surprised.

Decor and Photos

My daughter had a full plan and we had a blast executing it. A giant photo wall full of family and friends, but sprinkled in was an Irish flag, a map of Ireland, a watercolor of the Eiffel Tower. While we were on a recent trip we bought some of these things so she could remember those trips. We used thrift shop finds of pretty bowls to hold jewelry and school supplies, and our pens were contained in a parrot drinking glass from a recent trip to the Caribbean. My two sons were, of course, different. One is a big music fan, so we found some cool posters and I bought a rock ‘n’ roll photo coffee table book and we ripped out pages for his wall (you could do the same with books about botanicals, destinations, or animals).
Amazon — vinyl frames · Amazon — All Access: Rock Photography · Amazon — 1000 Record Covers · Amazon — Ansel Adams National Parks
He didn’t want a ton of photos, so I framed a small family photo and a separate one of him skiing with friends and just had those two displayed on his desk. I had others printed at Walgreens but just left the stack in his drawer with double stick tape if he wanted them up at some point. He admitted afterwards that he loved flipping through them when procrastinating on work. My final installment wanted his varsity team flag hanging along with stuff from his favorite NHL team, but he was also excited to hang a bunch of photos around his desk area and we framed 4 of his favorite album covers. His pens found a home in a Guinness pint glass, while my other son’s pens lived in one of his favorite mugs from home. Little bits from their home always helped make it homey. Maybe a throw pillow from their bedroom or a few of their favorite books. Walk around your home and you’d be amazed what you could find to remind them of home.

The Farewell Gift

The last suggestion I’ll leave you with is that I had planned earlier in the summer to leave a gift as we left. It gives them something immediately to do, shows I care, and it usually was something to get them out of their room and to help meet people.
For my daughter, I left her an adorable, waterproof, rolled-up picnic blanket.
Amazon · Amazon (alt)
For years I would smile when she would send photos of her and friends studying on the quad or indulging in mimosas at the park. The cute blue plaid of the blanket was always popping off under them. For my sons I left one a pair of compact, travel fishing rods, as his campus had a lake, and the other a poker set, which he texted a thank you about a week into school saying he had already used it in the lounge with boys he had met who lived upstairs. I just left the gift bag on their bed as we were about to leave, with a positive note about my excitement watching them soar.
Amazon — travel fishing rods · Amazon — poker set
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I forgot one final suggestion. Breathe. They will be fine. You will be fine. Things will be forgotten and they’ll figure it out. You did a great job and they are ready.
Happy Fall!!!
More to come about thriving in those college years: fun seasonal care packages, how to prepare for those off campus apartments and easy beginner meals. Make sure to follow along.

Dorm Essentials Checklist

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